Sound of Silence. This is a very interesting challenge for me to conquer. To me silence is not just being quiet and not speaking or listening to music. Silence, in fact, can be quite loud! For me, when everything is quiet that is when I hear the most. I do not have any distracting noise bothering me or keeping me from staying on my thoughts. Even though, there is no music or TV in the background and there are no other people, meowing cats and barking dogs vying for my attention….my mind is still going on a mile a minute. I listen to my thoughts about what is going on in my life… worrying about the state of my job status, my family, my art, my life in general.
It isn’t quiet.
I think it is the peace that is the missing piece in being in silent mode. I believe one would have to be at peace within themselves, within their souls and their own thinking to have a true silent experience. There have been times when I have felt this silent peace in my life. These were not necessarily solitary experiences nor just ‘the one time’ but more the moment that it had occurred. Times such as when I am at my hometown and I would sit alone on a warm boulder on a beautiful summer day in the middle of Red Rock Canyon (outside Las Vegas, NV). The sun is hot and a slight breeze will blow to cool off. There is no traffic to be heard and no people to disturb. The hawks are flying over and call out into the air. A lizard scrambles on the rocks nearby and sits watching me thinking it is invisible! I don’t think of anything except how beautiful and comfortable this is.
Another wonderful silent mode is when I would be alone in my own (clean!) home and again a beautiful day outside and I am holding my newborn. Dave is at work and either time when I was holding Jess (1st child) or with Kenzie (2nd) and Jess was taking a nap. I just hold my baby and rock her. Staring at her blue eyes and feed her or play with her fingers and toes. Her smile when she looks at me. Or when both girls are quietly chatting, playing or just sitting next to each other. Even now, I cherish those moments. I find these silent moments various places and times throughout my life and each one is just as special and meaningful to me.
Another silent moment is not always a pleasant one. I am also a volunteer Find A Grave photographer and will try to locate grave sites for people who are searching their ancestors. Photographing the graves, the headstones and the cemeteries can be heart-breaking. some are very old to just the other day. The ones set aside for the babies and children can make one cry. The military section can be very harsh as well. Headstones are mostly uniform just like when they would stand in formation when they were in. You can visit all military from the Indian wars, Spanish-American war on up to the latest Iraq/Afghanistan war. Some have died during their time of conflict and some will live out their full life and still choose to be buried with their brothers and sisters in arms. It is a heavy air when standing among them.
I named it– this feeling, this moment — the Quiet Noise of War . And to me this Sound of Silence is deafening.